Epic Rant

I haven't done one of these in awhile, but I've been writing them down as they've come to me... this one is a few weeks in the making.

-- Why the hell is downtown Miami always under construction? No matter what year it is, or what show or movie you're watching, there are like 4 goddamn cranes doing things in the skyline. Seriously.
Burn Notice, Scarface, Dexter, CSI Miami, Bad Boys 1&2... even in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, the friggin video game. Every single goddamn one of them has a shot of the skyline with multiple cranes sticking up. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This has been going on for 30 years!


-- I'm so sick to death of phone numbers on TV. The whole "555" prefix is so obnoxious. I wish whoever decided this long ago would've reserved a couple more. Like why can't we have 555, 991, and 880 as movie and TV show phone number prefixes? They dropped the ball on that one.

-- How so many in this country could be without jobs, while Tim McCarver keeps his is UNBELIEVABLE.

-- On that note, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver have called every World Series since 1996! That's 12 years! Can you believe we've had to put up with this drivel this long?

Here's a brief list of Tim McCarver quotes:

"If you leadoff and you play every day, you're guaranteed to bat with the bases empty at least 162 times."

"Derek Lowe is the dominant groundball pitcher in baseball. How dominating? The most."

"On most teams the set up man has become more valuable, on others not so valuable."

This is torture! FOX! PLEASE!

-- Why does all new rap music sound like the beats are slowed down techno songs?

-- Why does so much country music sound like late '80s and early '90s pop music?

-- If a person has no money in their bank account, how do you expect them to pay a $35 overdraft fee?

-- I've determined that all bands named after a city or state are awesome (with the exception of Berlin): Alabama, Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America

-- Of course, bands named after continents are suspect at best: Asia, Europe

-- I can't believe that we can pay bills from our phone but we still have to find and put coins in parking meters. Nightmare.

-- Why don't airlines start selling "All you can drink" fares with a limit to 2 per hour? Charge an extra $60 bucks a ticket and give them double the frequent flier miles.

-- Yes, I realize that on a 5 and a half hour flight from Atlanta to San Francisco, someone could drink almost 12 drinks. Who are you kidding? The people who drink that much have already gotten onto the plane 3 or 4 drinks in to begin with. It's a necessity.

-- Anyone think that the new Bank of America ATM's are worse than making transactions with a human being? It's supposed to be convenient to not use envelopes to make deposits. Oh yeah? Today, it took me 5 minutes to deposit one check. Why?

It rejected it the first time, then after it accepted it, it couldn't read the amount it was for, then after typing in the amount that it supposedly should be able to read, it asked me if it was correct.

OF COURSE IT'S CORRECT. I JUST TYPED IT IN.

Then it processed the transaction for 10 seconds, asked me if I was done making deposits, then PROCESSED THE TRANSACTION AGAIN for another 10 seconds. Finally, it took another 30 seconds to get my card back.

Real effing convenient B of A.

-- Why do these friggin prescription drug commercials need to state the obvious?

"Tell your doctor if you're pregnant, nursing, have kidney or liver problems, have had a heart attack, diabetes, or lung cancer."

Maybe I missed something, but WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A DOCTOR PRESCRIBES CIALIS OR FLOMAX OR VALTREX WITHOUT READING YOUR GODDAMN MEDICAL HISTORY?"

This is procedure. They won't prescribe you anything unless they know it's not going to kill you. The medical malpractice suits are too scary to risk anything.

So why on earth does the commercial need to tell us that? For that matter, why are there even drug commercials on TV?

-- I'm not sure when Halloween turned into chicks dressing like call girls, but I like it.

-- I see multiple Smart Cars every day. I give them the Joaquin Phoenix/Gladiator wavering thumbs down every time I see them. Any man (or woman for that matter) who sacrifices their dignity and safety to be able to park in small parking spots deserves to be mocked in public.


You'd rather have a 3 cylinder, 70 horsepower tuna can that gets OK gas mileage than a Mini Cooper or even a goddamn Prius? You suck at life and I need to make sure you know it.

-- I am outing Tim McGraw right now as an Obama supporter. I read it in Men's Journal at the gymnasium. You've failed me Tim.

-- NBC is the most incompetent network in history. It's only decent shows are Heroes, Sunday Night Football, and Law & Order SVU. They stupidly ave Conan O'Brien Leno's spot and then moved Leno to 10pm. Are they retarded? They single handedly killed ratings on both those shows.

Then they overspent on the production of Trauma, which had promise, but was cancelled due to its unwatchable characters. Seriously. I hated every single one of those people except for Rabbit. If you don't like the characters in a show, you're not going to watch it.

Also, they were too stupid to restart Las Vegas after the writer's strike. That show could have had a 10-12 year run. It never got old. Even after James Caan left and Tom Selleck took over.

RETARDED!

-- So I saw my friend's GQ magazine with the extremely hot Olivia Wilde on the cover sitting on the coffee table. Not being as familiar with GQ as I am with ESPN or Maxim, I thought there would be a sweet spread of pictures. There were a couple, along with a good article, but what really got me is...

This is supposed to be a straight guy's magazine, right? Well why then, does this magazine have 175 pages solely containing pictures of gay men in various states of undress? Seriously. Being a sharp dresser is one thing, but this "magazine" is not for regular guys. Shocking, really.

-- Enough Brett Favre and Alex Rodriguez already!

-- I was Al Davis last Halloween. Great, I know. But, you could seriously be a member of the Raiders organization every year for Halloween and it would not get old. Tom Cable? JaMarcus Russell? Anyone in the Black Hole? What a freak show!

-- PS: After 2 games, Michael Crabtree has 11 receptions for 137 yards. Darrius Heyward-Bey? 5 catches for 74 yards... IN EIGHT GAMES! HAHA! No wonder Crabtree held out for more money. He's friggin worth it.

In Defense of Rush Limbaugh's Rams bid

One of the most successful organizations in the world, the National Football League, disappoints me in many ways these days.

They refuse to lift their asinine blackout television rules during a hideous recession, they make rules specifically for specific star quarterbacks that affect the way the game should be played and the direct outcome of some contests, they stifle the brilliantly funny Chad Ochocinco, and they won't allow Rush Limbaugh to become a minority owner of arguably its weakest and worst team, the St. Louis Rams.

There are three kinds of people in this country today: those who love/tend to agree with Rush, those who hate/cannot stand Rush, and those who are too out of touch/too stupid to even know who he is.

If those are my options, then fine, I love/tend to agree with Rush.

I really don't, but I just pigeonholed America with three contrasting options, and I'm not going to go back and rephrase it.

(By the way, I found the nicest picture of Rush on the internet. Doesn't look like a bad guy, right?)

I don't listen to him too often, because it's a weird time slot... I mean he's on at like 10am on the West Coast, and most of us are going to school or work and can't really listen to him bellow about the radical left and Barack Obama's America for two hours a morning. When I do listen to him, I can't say that I disagree with too much he says. Sorry, I'm a conservative, nothing I can do about that.

I TOTALLY understand why people hate him, and so does he. He plays on it. Rush is brash and outlandish, forceful and edgy. He is an excellent speaker who knows exactly what he wants to get across, and does it in a way that delights many of his hardcore listeners and disgusts the rest.

It's just one of those things.

What bothers me the most about this situation, is that there is a lot of hypocrisy and groupthinking going on by a group of owners and a players union that forced out a viable and qualified minority owner candidate, simply because of his views.

I'm sorry, last time I checked, this was America.

Not only did these bandwagoning owners band together out of fear and spinelessness, but the instantaneous campaign that sprung forth after the Checketts-Limbaugh news broke was mostly fabrications.

Sure, Limbaugh said this in 2003 (and we've all heard it):

"Sorry to say this, I don't think he's been that good from the get-go," Limbaugh said. "I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve. The defense carried this team."

Yes, it is divisive. No, it is not politically correct. But it's an opinion, and I don't believe it to be a racist one. It involves race, but that doesn't make it racist, and it doesn't make Rush a racist.

Back to this campaign...

You hear guys like the Colts' owner Jim Irsay, say, "Oh well, this guy is too divisive, and we don't like the comments he makes."

What comments Jim? Are we back on the McNabb thing AGAIN?

Maybe they were the 10 racist Rush Limbaugh quotes that are copied and pasted all over the internet.

Many of these quotes are either badly or indirectly sourced, some over 30 years old, and others just sourced to news articles by reputable sources that contain the quotes-- themselves not sourcing them to an audio clip.

An example:

"The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies."

The source given for this quote is to an article on FAIR's website (Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting)-- itself not sourcing this quote to anything at all.

Snopes.com, a fairly solid source for internet rumors and commonly held myths and beliefs, traces this quote...

"...as far back as 1992, so the only documentation (they've) been able to locate for it is indirect. All sources (they've) found that reference it cite the January 1993 issue of 'Flush Rush Quarterly' as their source.

A 1992 issue of Flush Rush Quarterly is the source? WTF is that anyway?

So look, some of this stuff is true, and some is not. Apparently Rush did say:

"Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it."

That statement alone is definitely on the racist side. But it was said within a much, much broader statement on his radio show in which he took a call about the NFL and its celebrations. Also from within that response is the following quote:

"Ladanian Tomlinson to me is the classiest player in the NFL. He doesn't do a dance, he doesn't spike the ball when he scores. He and Marvin Harrison are the two most classy individuals playing in the NFL today."

Racist?

Look, he was just making a point. Although most of NFL's celebrations are funny and enjoyable, a lot of it is excessive, especially the sack dances. But if you didn't know anything about football and didn't know anything about Bloods or Crips, would you draw similarities between these behaviors?

If you can't see the embedded videos, click here.

NFL celebrations


Gangbangers


The point in all of this is yes, Rush can be a jerk. A lot of people are offended by what he says. But I believe that this world is far too PC for its own good. In addition, most of the people who don't like Rush haven't even listened to more than 5 minutes of his show in their lives. They hear about the controversies, they know his political stances, they read shady internet quotes presented as fact, and decide that he's a racist and has no right to spend his own money to purchase part of a business.

It's the same thing I get when I tell people I watch the O'Reilly factor. Oh, he's a jerk, he's a liar, he sucks, he's a racist.... bla, bla, bla. Fox News, radical right, bla, bla, bla.

Yeah, and when was the last time you tuned in to the O'Reilly factor?

On the other hand, I understand Roger Goodell's efforts to thwart any kind of bad press. With, oh, I don't know, 400+ NFL players in the last 10 years being arrested, the league has a big problem. A few of note come to mind: Mike Vick and his dogfighting, Donte Stallworth ran a guy over and killed him, Pacman Jones, Shawne Merriman, Rae Carruth, Travis Henry, Leonard Little, the Cincy Bengals of a few years ago, Pacman Jones...

While Goodell has done a decent job of really laying down the law with players acting up, how bad could it have been to have Rush as a part owner of the Rams? He wouldn't be an Al Davis, Jerry Jones, or Dan Snyder. He's not going to be in the locker room after every game and trading for high priced receivers or drafting JaMarcus Russell. The guy wanted to own a slice of a struggling team in his home state.


And how about this?

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony, Venus & Serena Williams, Jimmy Buffett, Emilio & Gloria Estefan are all minority partners with the Miami Dolphins.

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ARE OBAMA SUPPORTERS. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM WERE APPROVED WITHIN DAYS.

Okay, Dan, but none of those people make comments like Rush.

Yeah, but what do they say at their concerts? Anything political there?

And another example... Dan Rooney, owner of the Steelers, openly campaigned for Obama during his presidential run. In fact, he was such a big supporter, that Obama named Rooney the ambassador to Ireland (talk about a dream gig by the way.)

This isn't supposed to be about Obama, but it's just hypocritical of the NFL to say, yes, drunken wife beaters are allowed in our league, and outspoken Democrats are allowed to own teams, but Rush isn't.

I wonder what would happen if he tried to buy an NBA team?

"Yeah, Rush, we allow sleazy Russian billionaires and Jay-Z to own the New Jersey Nets, but you... you're too controversial."

It's all just a little two-faced, and I don't care for it. Although I've defended Michael Vick before, I just want this question answered:

How is Vick allowed to play and Rush isn't allowed to own a team?

I'm sorry. I thought this was America.

My American Car Wishlist

I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I am. It serves no real purpose, but I don't feel like writing about O'Bamie getting the Nobel Peace prize (cough--JOKE--cough). Anyway....

As many of you do, I dream of the things I'd do if I somehow came into more money than God... like winning the lottery, although inevitably, none of us really even play the lottery it seems.

Some dream of exotic foreign vacations or houses, or insane shopping sprees. Truthfully, all I think about is cars. Yes if I had millions, I'd buy houses and go on vacation too, but even before I'd move, I'd buy a car-- or 10. "Great priorities," my parents would say. It's all hypothetical though. Give me a break.

So, here are the parameters I've set for myself. Buy the 10 sickest, American, in-production cars there are-- fully loaded of course. Classic cars and practical cars are lists for another time. So here we go (in no particular order). I encourage you to listen to Bob Seger and other Michigan-based tunes while reading this.

1.) Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon


Truthfully, this is currently the vehicle I'd buy right now if I could. There's nothing better than driving in the open air... especially when it's in a badass, American icon like the Wrangler. This new four door incarnation was introduced in 2005, and catches my eye on the road every time. They are a little underpowered, but obviously in this hypothethical situation, I'd immediately get rid of that 202 hp V6 and put a 6.1L Mopar Hemi in. America!

MSRP: $32k

2.) Chevy Silverado 1500 Crew Cab

My favorite trucks on the road have improved so much since my '98 2500 that it's unbelievable-- and that was an unbelievable rig. They are powerful, capable, and drop dead gorgeous. For my purposes, I would give this a 6 inch lift and some 35" BFG Goodrich's... pretty standard. Of course, I'd opt for the 6.2L V8. Yeah, that's the one that churns out 403 horses.

MSRP: $44k

3.) Lincoln Navigator L

Why the Navigator over the Escalade you wonder? Well, I like the looks of the Navigator better actually, which runs contrary to my usually GM-centric preferences. The front is almost presidential looking. Plus, I think the interiors of these behemoth are more inviting. The navigation that pops out of the dash is sick. It doesn't have as much power as the Caddy, but, this is a hypothetical remember? It would just serve as the luxo-cruiser that this 10 car collection needs. Tell me this isn't a beautiful vehicle...

MSRP: $62k

4.) Dodge Challenger SRT8

This remarkably sexy throwback muscle car had me drooling the first time I set eyes on her in a magazine. Strong lines, retro styling, and potent powerplants make the Challenger an extremely tough car to overlook. I mean just look at it!

This is a plain and simple classic muscle car. It is more aggressive than the new Camaros and Mustangs, and nothing like it has ever come out of Japan or Germany. Plus the SRT8 comes with the aforementioned 6.1L Hemi, good for 425 hp right off the factory floor. Joe Dirt would be proud.


MSRP $45k

5.) Corvette ZR1 3ZR


I can't think of anything more American than a Corvette. These beasts have been roaming the earth for over 50 years, and have evolved into near production supercars. Although not quite Ferraris, they are pretty damned close. This particular model, the ZR1, contains Chevy's big block 6.2L V8, used in the Escalade and Silverado. However, as this is of course, America, the ZR1's is supercharged, resulting in a rubber liquefying 638 ponies. These stats are ridiculous:

-- 0-60 in 3.4 seconds
-- 0-100 in 7.0 seconds
-- quarter mile in 11.3 seconds
-- 205 mph top speed

MSRP: $120k

6.) Dodge Ram 3500 Resistol Mega Cab


As much as I love Silverados, the Dodge Ram is the truck that powers America. The undisputable choice of ranchers, farmers, and anyone who needs to haul things, the Dodge Ram with its bulletproof Cummins Diesel engine can tow more, more reliably than any other 3/4 ton or 1 ton models (ie. F-350, Chevy 3500). Just ask my buddy Nate, who claims to have towed over 22,000 pounds in his 2004 Ram. Granted, cattle ranchers are known to embellish a bit, but it is rated at 19,000 pounds-- good enough to tow 12 Smart Cars. This is why Toyota Tundras are laughed at by real truckers. Also, any truck that comes out with a Resistol model is badass. Stop into your local Boot Barn if you don't know what that is.

MSRP: $50k

7.) Cadillac Escalade EXT


That's right, you didn't think I liked these. Well I do. There's something I find cool about a half truck, half SUV that looks like an Escalade. It's just the jack of all trades. Naturally, it will never see a trip to Home Depot or a dirt road, but still. The Cadillac Escalade is arguably the biggest status symbol in our country today. Everyone from soccer moms, to rappers, athletes, and CEO's take pride in their Escalades, and despite how common they seem to be, they still turn heads, especially this upgraded Chevy Avalanche version. Come on, 403 horses... you know you want one!

MSRP: $60k



8.) 2009 Pontiac G8 GXP

Okay, don't laugh at this one. I know it seems a bit out of place. But this car is for real. As we all know, the world sucks so bad in general that GM had to kill one of its children-- Pontiac. Seriously, I consider the removal of this proud brand from the road as a form of auto-murder. Hopefully, the world will stop sucking so bad in the future that Pontiac can be resurrected, even if it's only for the Trans Am, GTO, and this car, the G8.


This G8 is an aggressive, sharp muscle sedan, that would probably be overlooked if you saw one. I'd love nothing more than to challenge some punk in an Acura listening to electronical music at a red light, then torch him in this beast.

Its Corvette-shared V8 is good for 415 hp, and its cabin roomy enough to tool around town other human beings in tow. It's also been noted for its surprisingly crisp handling. 0-60 times have been clocked at 5.4 seconds.

RIP Pontiac. I'll miss you.

MSRP: $40k (but you can get one now for $35k)

9.) Dodge Viper SRT-10 Convertible


The most outlandish of all American vehicles has been, and will always be the Dodge Viper. It's severe snake-like styling and absurd V-10 power has been turning heads since the early 1990s. Far from an everyday driver, these rubber-burning reptiles are loud, ridiculously fast, and ultra-rare. I'd opt for the convertible version because so far, the only one I have in this collection is the Wrangler. Seriously, how sleazy would this be? I'd crank nothing but Eddie Money, Foreigner and Van Halen, and just cruise around trying to pick up sleazy women until this 600 horsepower monster blew out my eardrums. Love it.

MSRP: $104k

And last, but not least:

10) Cadillac CTS-V

True Statement: The CTS-V is the fastest production sedan in the world.

This is probably the best car in America, in all aspects. The CTS was Motor Trend's car of the year in 2008, and nearly everything about it is top notch. The CTS-V model is an amazing performance version of this already sporty Lexus/BMW killer.

The CTS-V's Corvette-borrowed 6.2L V8 is supercharged, and makes 556 horsepower. In a car that weighs only 4,200 lbs., this translates roughly into: THE CADDY THAT ZIGS.

How about this from Motor Trend:

"AMG's E63 Benz nails 60 mph in 4.3 seconds. The new CTS-V weighs about the same and has at least 43 more horses and 85 pound-feet more torque. You draw your own conclusions."

This car is why the tide is turning.

MSRP: $60k


If you're wondering, those 10 cars add up to $617,000. Not too bad, considering this dream of mine involves hundreds of millions. Love it.

Inglourious Basterds: I want my money back

Warning: Spoilers




I think my title pretty much sums up my feelings about this movie. I literally couldn't be more disappointed in Quentin Tarantino's new film. Seriously.

Were you/are you one of the red-blooded males who saw the trailer on TV where Brad Pitt was goin' on 'bout killin' Naatzis in a Tennessee drawl and got fired up? Well I certainly was.

You know, it's one of those movie marketing tricks. Make the whole trailer about Brad Pitt killing Germans and pretend that's what you'll see for two and a half hours. Well, you had better see a matinee show if you plan on getting your money's worth.

I am well aware that half of you reading this think I'm crazy, dense, and "that I just don't understand the "genius" of Tarantino."

Oh I understand it alright.

The guy is by far the most self-indulgent narcissist in the history of cinema. And luckily for him, he's established a "mainstream cult" following that collectively believes that he walks on water and can do no wrong.

The guy is a good director and writes a good script, there's no doubt about that. The storylines were definitely intriguing. Also, the casting in Inglorious Basterds was incredible. Each character actor was impeccably chosen and were not only believable, but weren't distracting. Basically, we have no idea who these people are other than Pitt (and you'll recognize Diane Kruger). This is especially true for the actor playing Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), an SS Colonel disturbingly, yet aptly nicknamed "Jewhunter."

Landa is probably one of the most intriguingly developed and and superbly acted roles I've ever seen, and at times, this sadistic bastard (pun intended) steals the show. He makes some very long, drawn out scenes tolerable because he is so damned authentic.

Other than the casting, the superb cinematography (camera work, contrast, composition), and a handful of brilliantly acted non-action scenes, this movie had few bright spots to speak of. It just went on and on, and very little happened or was accomplished.

As Peter Griffin once said about The Godfather, "It insists upon itself."

(That's right, I quoted Peter Griffin.)

There is so little action between the 20 minute and 1 hour and 20 minute marks that I seriously considered leaving the theater. I'm not one to hate a good dialog or relevant scene, but we're talking scene after painful scene of slow character and plot building, endless subtitle reading, and single scenes of people sitting around a table for almost 30 full minutes with zero cutaways.

I appreciated the subtitles at first, as Germans and Frenchmen aren't going to be speaking English to one another during WWII. But trust me, it gets old REAL quick. Again, it's as if Tarantino was so pleased with himself for finding actors who could switch seamlessly between three and four languages easily, that he had them do it for a half hour at a time.

And who's going to tell him otherwise? He's the delicate prima donna who's had his ass kissed so much for the last 20 years that if anyone suggested that half the movie was a snoozefest, he'd probably pull some kind of less masculine Christian Bale fit on the set, fire his editors and/or key grips, and go hide in his trailer with a cappuccino for 6 hours.

More disappointments:

Brad Pitt was on screen for about one third of the movie. He was by far the most entertaining character in the entire film. Obviously Waltz's Landa character was the most compelling, but that doesn't mean he was keeping me awake.

While Tarantino's bizarre, seemingly irrelevant short stories took their turns on screen, one is left thinking, "What the hell do these people have to do with each other?"

The answer simply is, nothing. The only link between the Inglourious Basterds (Pitt's unit of Jewish-American army assasins), and Shosanna Dreyfus (who we meet in the movie's first scene) is Colonel Landa.

Even at the end of the movie for the big bloody finale, the stories end up coinciding in the same place with the same goals, but they do not cross paths or join together in any manner. This is something that Tarantino almost surely delights in while his droves of lemmings notice its obviousness and fancy themselves film aficionados.

It is this cinematographic hubris by Tarantino that drives me crazy. He thinks he can just juxtapose two totally different plots and stories on top of one another, vaguely tying them together in one absurd final bloodbath. All the while he's crossing his fingers and hoping no one notices the ugly staples and seams holding the movie's parts together underneath all the oozing bodies on the ground.

Another thing that drives me nuts about this Tarantino is that he'll just randomly put arrows with names superimposed on a freeze frame that befits John Madden or Jeff Van Gundy during a sports telecast. There were also a couple cutaways to a random narrator (who sounded like Samuel L. Jackson), and out of place German 80s pop music during key parts of the movie. Guy drives me nuts. No one else can get away with a fictitious "period piece" like this. No one.

As I mentioned before, there is painfully little action in this film, (maybe about 20 minutes out of the (at times) agonizing 2 hours and 33 minutes. And as is Tarantino's M.O., the violence is so grotesque and unfathomable that it borders on the absolute absurd-- in effect making the bashing of a man's skull with a Louisville Slugger and the constant scalping of Nazis seem hilarious.

Even I felt weird about laughing at a dead guy getting his brain exposed by an antler-hilted buck knife as Brad Pitt drawled on about the Smoky Mountains. It was just awesomely bad.

Look, if you're in the Tarantino cult, I know you've already disregarded this. You're all as in love with him as he is with himself. If you're not in his cult and think this is an action movie, you're mistaken. Catch it on Netflix in 5 months.

B-

Let the Quentin Tarantino defense begin.

The Brilliance of Bill Simmons

I'm sorry, this is a quick cop out of a blog article, but if you are a guy who even remotely likes sports and Las Vegas, you MUST read this two part article on ESPN. Trust me. You will agree with everything and laugh out loud. Epic. Bill Simmons meets up with 10 of his friends for a fantasy football draft and all sorts of other debauchery.

Brilliance in action.

ESPN -- Bill Simmons -- "You're Never Too Old For Vegas" Part 1


Part 2

MSNBC isn't dishonest? Check this out!

If you are reading this on an email newsfeed or Facebook, click here to see the videos.

This is the first video clip, which was aired on the very pro-Obama MSNBC. Notice the details of the video. Also, listen to the insane blather on this program! These people are unbelievable... but you decide for yourself.



And here is a local ABC affiliate's video. Notice that the gun-toting (great) American in the video is not a "white racist".





I report. You decide. Haha. Where's Jon Stewart on this one??

Again, if you cannot see the videos, click here.

It is time to forgive Michael Vick

The two types of people I can't stand in life are jerks and idiots. I think many will agree with me on that.

No one wants to be around jerks, and stupid people just slow the world down and create problems.

With that said, I believe that it is possible for former jerks to become more acceptable to society. That is where today's topic comes in: Michael Vick.

Vick's disturbing missteps and downfall have been publicly documented ad nauseum. We all know what he was involved in. We all shared our thoughts on the matter, we all saw it on the news. People took positions on it. Many were so angered by what he did, that they vowed never to forgive him and couldn't care less if the guy got a second chance or even lived for that matter.

I was one of them.

I'm a dog lover, as many of you are. The thought of killing one of these amazing friendly creatures is about as disturbing as anything could be to many people.

In our society, dogs are part of the family... many, such as my dog, are treated better than a lot of humans. On the micro level, there is nothing wrong with that. I actually encourage this.

So two years ago when all this Vick stuff came out, we were flabbergasted, disgusted, angered, and saddened by it.

Now it is time for us--mainstream America-- to channel some of the forgiveness and compassion that we show our pets, to show that towards our fellow man.

In this case, Mike Vick.

The guy messed up bad. He did unspeakable, stupid, jerkish things. But how can people continually resent him and wish him ill? If I as a dog lover, and hater of stupid jerks, can forgive him, maybe you can to; even at a provisional level like NFL commish Roger Goodell did.

My point is this:

The man was on top of the world. Maybe he wasn't the best or most complete quarterback the league has ever seen, but he was sure paid like it. He had everything. He had millions of dollars, fame, and the entire city of Atlanta eating out his hand like no one since Hank Aaron.

Next thing he knew, he had nothing. He was suspended. He was released. He was put in prison. His every move was documented. His very presence is protested.

He lost EVERYTHING.

Do you think his public remorse is contrived? Fake? Do you think he's sorry only because he was torn down like a condemned building and had to file for bankruptcy?

He's sorry because he is.

He knows what he did was horrifically wrong and unforgivable to many. Part of his deal with the Eagles is that he will work directly with the Humane Society and the PETA nuts to further anti-animal abuse measures and dogfighting in Philadelphia. It is ironic of course that it is Philly in which he will be working, because this is a city that has a huge dogfighting problem amongst its many issues.

Haven't you ever seen Animal Cops?

It's time to get off your high horses people. It is not time to forget, but it is time to give this once proud man another chance to make a living doing the one thing that he does best.

If he somehow messes this opportunity up, then, by all means, drive out of town with pitchforks and torches. But until then, show this human being a shred of the same forgiveness that you show your own family members and friends (including dogs) when they fail you.

This is what makes us human after all.


Here is the article I wrote in 2007 about Vick. Check it out.

Top 5 searched articles from this blog

This is kinda funny. I can't say for sure which one of the many articles on here has been the most hit on page. I can say though which ones are being searched for and clicked on the most via search engine (such as Google). I'd encourage re-checking them out.

Here are the current top 5:

1) The Jail Blazers Revisited

2) How Expedia Works... What they don't want you to know

3) Cattle branding for Dummies by a Dummy

4) An interview with Astros rookie hurler Bud Norris

5) The Most Liberal Cars in America


The most searched one of this blog's history though involves the Octomom. To this day, the Portland Jail Blazers, and yes, the Octomom are always on America's brain. Interesting.